More local theology for the Church of Eris Erisian Eristic

A welcome from Trishop Epsilon

Welcome, stranger. Welcome to this chapel, library and precruiting ground for the Church of Eris Erisian Eristic. And if you just thought "what does 'precruiting' mean?", you're in the right place.

If you though "Ha! S/he misspelled 'recruiting'" --- then you're a miserable excuse for a human being, and you will be among the first against the wall when the revolution comes. Read on, anyway; it's not yet too late to lose the dick within.

For boys, the dick on the outside is easy to lose, too, but don't worry; we're not celibates or anything. We're not into self-mutilation unless it makes you happy. (Same for zoonecrophilia.) Within Discordianism you can still drink beer, curse and jerk off; just don't try to do all three while you're preaching.

And as for preaching --- you have to. In Discordianism, everyone's a Pope. Or a Mome. Or both. Or a Grand Dragon Verpa Innocent Occidental Benny Master. And in true Pope fashion, once you're it, all others are heretics that ought to be excommunicated, excoriated and disemvowelled. You can try with me; I promise I'll answer softly in return. Come on now; yell "Heretic! You are excommunicated! I am the Pope!" at the screen. You'll feel better immediately; and the great gates of enlightenment will creak open.

If you disagree, you don't yet know the power of the very light side.

Okay, now, speaking Pope-to-Pope; there's the matter of teachings. Because you need to know how things are taught round here so you know the full extent of my heathen depravity, and the general direction to take in your own heretical schisming and blaspheming.

So: what does the Church E.E.E., now your sect's Erisian and Discordian and possibly even Apostolic sistren-sect actually hold dear and in the theological sense true?

Before all else --- there's a holy book. Of course there is a holy book. How could this be a religion otherwise? We have funny hats, too, but you'd better start with the holy book --- we have two to offer at the moment, Erisiana, and the Light Book, a duo of weirds-of-words in honor of the Greatest Goddess, Magnante Maiora Mater, Eris J. Discordia.

Then there's the rest --- the Tax Code to Erisiana's Declaration of Independence, or the Mythbusters to its Disclaimer.

As catering for a full Convention of the Faithful is difficult --- the blood-drinkers alone present a nightmare as one tries to obtain the necessary permits from the Bureau of Food, Bedding and Condiments --- some of the dogmas below are not officially approved yet, but merely the inspired word of the Goddess. Read on, MacDuff!

* * *

A theological concordance

1. Who Eris is, and what this is all about (7,270 bytes)
2. Trishop? (1,018 bytes)
3. St. Confusius (1,147 bytes)
4. Pink litmus paper shirt (1,571 bytes)
5. Insidious suggestions (647 bytes)
6. Numerology (1,864 bytes)
7. EEEk! (2,915 bytes)
8. Origins for familiar words (1,678 bytes)
9. Chaonnophris and Herwennefer (5,135 bytes)
10. The Vision of H. Drocsid (3,256 bytes)
11. On False Gods (2,223 bytes)
12. The "U Can't Touch This" Catma/Dogma (2,398 bytes)
13. Erisian spells for the lazy (3,657 bytes)
14. The Illuminati / Discordian roundtable 2010 (9,728 bytes)
15. History: Greece (1,212 bytes)
16. History: Rome (734 bytes)
17. History: Vandalia (1,336 bytes)
18. History: China (1,203 bytes)
19. History: India (2,598 bytes)
20. History: Japan (2,557 bytes)
21. Nyarlathotep? (194 bytes)
22. Rest you tired pilgrim (928 bytes)
23. Kai diairei kai basileue (1,169 bytes)
24. Black Star (1,866 bytes)
25. History: To-do (1,721 bytes)
26. Non-destructive discord (1,823 bytes)
27. The War of Order and Chaos (2,018 bytes)
28. The Triple Leg Drop of Humanity (3,571 bytes)
29. Idunn: Eris in the North (6,056 bytes)

* * *

Okay, that's all for now. Enlightened yet?