The War of Order and Chaos

It is said the universe is a war of Order against Chaos. This is nonsense. Further, it is not even good Discordian nonsense; no, it is the most pernicious sort of uninteresting ashen nonsense there is.

For there to be a war, there needs to be armies. Right? But no true force of Chaos could ever be so Orderly as to be an army! Hence the war, if such a war there is, is merely between Order-as-Order and Order-as-Chaos.

The only kind of war which really can be of Order and Chaos is the sort which is not a war at all, except in name. "Wars" against vague concepts like Drugs, Poverty and Terror qualify. One side has soldiers, generals, plans of attack, big pushes and lots of PR --- the other side never really shows up. The Order side then ends up spewing a lot of noble hot air, roughing up a few of its own, and generally making its followers terrified of their own shadows. Meanwhile the other side just as likely as not is stoned sky high in a cave and a ratty turban somewhere.

If there is a war of Order and Chaos, Order will declare it as a War on Chaos, shoot itself in the foot, and claim Chaos did it, and then shoot the other foot as a second-limb collaborator sympathizer asocial pediphile traitor, after which the war will be won by Chaos, who has been eating chocolate in a corner, unaware that anything more unusual than what is usual has been going on.

To say the same for a third time, a war between Order and Chaos? You can't have a war when one side comes prepared for a thermonuclear Armageddon, and the other for a pie fight. You can't have a war when one side, actually, doesn't show up. Imagine a football stadium ready for the game --- except one of the teams is in civvies, in the crowd, buying hot dogs and occasionally giving the finger to the other team, which is very confusedly staggering round the field, trying to figure out what the hell is going on, and how they can make a goal if they can't even start the game. There's your war.

last updated: (Mar 14 2011)