The "U Can't Touch This" Catma/Dogma

You can't ever know what a human being really means.

Take Jesus. Do we know what he said? No, we don't. What we know is what some people said other people had said Jesus had said.

It would not help if the Gospels came with Jesus's signature, approval and five-person true-swearing, either. We would just know what Jesus had written down. We would not know if he was lying for personal gain, jesting, or just looking how far he could take this particular joke. Ah! you protest, clearly Jesus wasn't doing it for personal gain; what gain was there? But maybe Jesus was generally bad with financial and similar calculations, and not just with moneychangers? We still couldn't know what he really meant.

What if we could ask him, reach back across time and ask him? No help at all! He might see it fit to give a false Zen answer for our enlightenment but not for our education; or it might suit him to lie, continuing the joke, scheme, charade or pious fraud. Or he might answer, and really mean what he said --- and we couldn't really know what he meant.

Unless we suddenly get all wise about neurology and drag the person's head under a super-microscope, we can't ever really know what any human being means, because there are a lot of stubborn bastards out there, willing to cling to their initial words no matter what happens and what they may really think.

The joyous part of this is you can take anything written by a human being --- natural events don't work like this, but humans always do --- and say its writer really, really, deep down really meant exactly what you want. Not only can't your claim be gainsaid; no-one can even tell if you really mean what you say or don't.

Which, with extra obfuscation and outrage, will be my defence if anyone comes a-saying I'm interpreting Discordianism and its holy texts all wrong. If the other uses the "laser-guided divine revelation gambit", i.e. "This just in from Eris! You are wrong!", well, then we will have a battle of intracranial voices, which are even easier to simulate.

("Well, She told me you are double-triple-extra-wrong! Dear Eris, try to decide! It's as if you enjoy sowing this discord --- oh. And I am illuminated! Hail Eris!")

("Why does this happen every single time we try to have a proper schism?")

last updated: (Mar 14 2011)