Erisian spells for the lazy

guaranteed success! (success not guaranteed)

(From the Enochian Scrolls of John Dee, M. Sc., pt. 2, "I can't believe it's not Empyreal!")

THE INVOCATION OF THE STAR-BEAST

Hear me, five guardians of the black stone of heavens!

I call on thee, King of Sagittarius, Lord of Carina! Step aside!

I call on thee, Scutum-Crux, dread monarch! Step aside!

I call on thee Norma-Cygnus, Cygnus-Norma, the heart's holding hand! Step aside!

I call on thee, o dreadful sky-shadow, Perseus! Step aside!

I call on thee, red-handed huntsman, Orion! Step aside!

By the power of the Ring of Monoceros, I compel thee! I bind thee! I command thee! In Sloan have I seen thee! Open the gate of Virgo; open the gate of the Stellar Stream; open, by the power of the Ring of Monoceros!

I compel thee! (repeat until the result is achieved)

THE LAKE OF BOÖTES

The sleeper awakens, the sleeper in lye,
The night comes, the interstitial night;
Close lie the stars, stars bloom tonight;
The fountain rises, the made mind rises,
Want and will rises, willing all to be:

Across time, across space, across being,
What is not, shall be again, now again;
Northern sky, celestial spine,
Power of place, brightest star,
Arek Tura, al-Poeetai,
The lake, the fountain,
the sleeper,
Come forth!

THE AT-LOOSE

Tower of marble, green veins and gold,
The god awaiting, in dark beyond,
Ibis on the wing, golden triangle eye,
Bloodless face, steelshod deadly pace,
Dreams eaten low, go up to cold hands,
Behind you now, your awakening scream,
Repeat this twenty, and this makes sense.

THE SUMMONING OF THE FISH

Spica, Betelgeuse, Deneb, Coxa
Fomalhaut, the mouth of the fish
Spica, Betelgeuse, Deneb, Coxa
Night-Fomalhaut, moonlight pale
Spica, Betelgeuse, Deneb, Coxa
Sharp ever-Fomalhaut, home to one
Spica, Betelgeuse, Deneb, Coxa
Hearing dark at-Fomalhaut, alive
Spica, Betelgeuse, Deneb, Coxa
Tymbark, whaley, bridge of Fomalhaut!

THE INCANTATION TO DISPEL THE UNWELCOME VISITOR

Aurigae, Ophiuchi, Ursae, Ursae
Kaitos, Crucis, Eridani, Eridani
Vulpeculae, Fornacis, Gruis, Gruis
Ursae, Eridani, Gruis, Equulei, Equulei,
Pedicabo ego vos et irrumabo, e?

TO SUMMON LAIS OF CORINTH

Numquid, cum crisas, blandior esse potes? Imago imago imago.

(repeat with increasing anxiety)

THE SUMMONING OF DUBIOUS WISDOM

Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! (etc.)

THE CALLING OF THE FAMILIAR

Here doggy doggy. Here doggy doggy. The power of Yog-Sothoth compels thee!

THE INVOCATION OF THE GEEK

Avada Kedavra! You do not know the power of the Dark Side. Beam me up, Cthulhu. Time Vault and Voltaic Key! I wish to register a complaint; so say we all. Boba Fett slash Palpatine. All shall love me and despair! I pass the test... I diminish, and go for a Coke.

last updated: (Mar 14 2011)