So how could it drown anyway?

c. 2003

a Ranma 1/2 fanfic

"So, what is this Ranma like, anyway?" asked Nabiki.

"Ahem", Soun coughed. "Actually, I don't know. I've never met him."

"What?" hissed Akane. "Engaging one of us to a complete stranger---"

"Oh, my", Kasumi interjected. "There's someone at the door."

"It must be Ranma!" Soun exclaimed and ran to the door, Nabiki right behind him.

Behind the door was a wet and angry panda.

"Huh?" asked Soun.

"Huh?" asked Nabiki.

"Growf", said the panda.

"You wouldn't be Ranma Saotome, would you?" Nabiki decided to ask.

The panda shook its head and whipped out a sign. "Nope. But I'm his father."

Another sign. "Nice to meet you, miss. You too, Tendo."

Nabiki turned to face Soun and calmly asked: "So, father. You engaged one of us to the son of a panda?"

"No! I don't know ---", Soun began, but the panda interrupted by whipping out of nowhere yet another sign. "Let us go in. I'll explain."

Shortly afterwards the Tendo family and the panda were seated around the table. Nabiki was rather agitated. "So, father dear, would you care to explain?"

"But I don't ---", Soun began, but was once again interrupted by the furry creature.

A sign. "I am Genma Saotome. And this is my son, Ranma." The creature whipped out an irregular, fist-sized rock and placed it gently on the table.

For a while there was silence.

"Great", commented Nabiki. "Father, your best friend is a panda --- something you apparently just didn't notice --- and you have engaged one of us to his son, who just happens to be a rock. Just plain great."

Soun began to cry.

"Huh, dad?" continued Nabiki, prodding the rock. "Do you see a son here? Huh? I mean, the son of a panda? A rock? Huh?"

The panda snorted and waddled to the kitchen, looking for hot water. Meanwhile, Akane picked up the odd rock and studied it. Yup. Certainly a rock. Nothing more.

It was thus quite a surprise to her when a man walked out of the kitchen and threw a cup of hot water on the rock. Suddenly she was holding not a fist-sized rock but a very surprised, and very naked, young pigtailed boy of about her own age.

"Huh?" asked Ranma. He then went on to notice that a perplexed girl was holding him by --- well, by some parts. And that he was naked.

"You...", gasped Akane, and then reacted as she usually did. "You... PERVERT!"

"Oh, my", said Kasumi. "You really shouldn't use the table like that, Akane. You spilled all the tea."

Some time afterwards.

"So", said Ranma, "I dropped to this spring called the Spring of the Drowned Rock --- and don't ask me how that happened --- and now, whenever I'm touched with cold water I turn into a rock. Hot water gets me back."

"Uh-huh", said Nabiki.

"Could be worse", sighed Ranma. "I mean, I could turn into something worse, like a dorky girl or something."

"Grrr", said Akane.

last updated: (Mar 15 2011)