Drill 'em

15 Jan 2009

I bought a power drill and took it home.

I plugged the drill into a wall socket (okay, it's an old-fashioned one), and a grating, metallic voice boomed from the drill's insides ---

"Attention drill possessor! Attention! You would not shoot a man in the kneecaps, would you?"

"You are opposed to sawing the limbs off people, aren't you? Aren't you?"

"You don't bash the heads of innocent old ladies in with spiky baseball bats --- right?"

"You don't carry a power drill around in public places."

"Drill-carrying. It hurts other people. We have made it illegal. Don't you dare to do it!"

As I continued to gape, the voice from the drill whispered a few more words: "To ensure your co-operation, this drill works only in Authorized Wall Sockets. The drill bit cannot be changed. Tampering with the drill is illegal and can result in termination. We thank you for your submission."

After browsing the manual, I found that the zig-zag marshmellow drill bit that had come in the drill indeed couldn't be changed.

Oh, and the warning sounded every single time I plugged the drill to the socket, and could not be bypassed. That would have been tampering with the drill, punishable by termination. Of what or whom, I wasn't really told, but --- just to be safe --- I called my cat in anyway.

* * *

I got into George Carlin and Bill Hicks because of Youtube piracy. Without it, I wouldn't have had a sample, or a sample that I could trust to be more than a sanitized commercial. Piracy has resulted, in my case, in thousands of euros of legal spending. So yeah, you can get paying customers out of piracy.

Unless the beauty of the thing you're selling is crippled and smeared senseless with ad excrement and usage limitations born out of your ugly paranoia, born without reason and without love, like some feces-reeking retard Athena bursting, twitching and gibbering, from the butt-like creased forehead of the gluttonous tyrant Zeus you are.

Have a good day. Love and peace!

last updated: (Mar 15 2011)