Five theories on JFK

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Because eventually every conspiracy theory includes JFK.

Do you know Oswald did not excel in mathematics?

The missing brains (1981)

Forget Hitler's brain. That's not a problem. The problem is this: Einstein's brain was stolen --- or to put a good face on it, dislocated --- after his death in 1955. This alone is not remarkable.

John F. Kennedy's brain was dislocated after his assassination in 1963. It wasn't buried along with the rest of his remains. His brother Bobby had the brain in his possession. Bobby was killed in 1968. So was Martin Luther King Jr.

From 1955 to 1963, eight years. From 1963 to 1968, five years. Let's step five years forwards from 1968. We're at 1973. Pine Ridge Indian Reservation. Ray Robinson, a human rights activist and a former friend of MLK, disappears. His body is never found.

Now, 1980. Seven years later. John Lennon is killed. Another brilliant humanitarian, another genius of goodwill.

Don't worry about Hitler's brain. Worry about the monster that's loose eating the best brains of the nation.

(Editor's note: And in 1981, Ronald Wilson Reagan was elected president. In 1989, at the end of his presidency, he had extensive head surgery done to him. He died in 2004, after a long battle against Alzheimer's... which you know is a hellish disease that eats away your brain, the one part of you you can't grow more of. Now mind you, I'm not saying R.R. was a brain-eating zombie monster whose second, brain-nibbling mouth was welded shut by CIA surgeons in 1989. I'm not saying that. I'm just asking questions. Got a light?)

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The Lincoln-Kennedy connection

What? Kennedy killed for his brain? Nonsense. Kennedy was killed by fanatical Protestants because he was the first Catholic president. Thus they got back at the Papacy, which had ordered Lincoln's assassination in 1865.

John Wilkes Booth, Lee Harvey Oswald: both names a trinity, both of them Texans, ex-military men, trained actors, both married to foreign women (Maria, and Marina) --- the message was impossible to miss.

There hasn't been a Catholic president since. But the Papacy being what it is, one shouldn't hope for a double term for any future very Protestant one either.

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The preceding comments are inaccurate. Kennedy's death was an occult ritual. The evidence is beneath the Dealey Plaza. It does not matter who shot Kennedy; it does not matter how long he lingered. He was pierced with steel through the leaves of an oak tree, standing on elmwood floor (symbolically; Elm Street), on a point of a pentagram (five people in the car: JFK, Jackie, Gov. Connally, his wife Nelly, the driver), surrounded by adoration and lust. A classic Satanic ritual!

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Oswald's lover

The comment above is clearly from someone who is either brain-damaged or high. Possibly both. A Satanic ritual indeed.

Oswald's mail-order Mannlicher-Carcano rifle was an Italian gun. It had been used during WWII, and then removed from service and, eventually, sold to America, then to Oswald. Italy was an Axis country in WWII.

Oswald defected to Russia in his youth; but having gotten there he quickly became disillusioned and fled back. What way did Oswald take to Russia? Finland. Stayed there for a couple of nights waiting for the wheels of bureaucracy to turn; though all else of Oswald is known, we don't know which hotel, if a hotel it was, he stayed in. Finland, another Axis ally in WWII.

Oswald was ex-military. Where did he serve when he was overseas? Japan. Had a romance with a local girl there. Liked the place. Talked of settling there. Another Axis country.

Here's a theory: Oswald's Japanese lover, a girl whose family had suffered horribly during the American occupation, seduced the young, impressionable and unbalanced American into delivering to her the supreme revenge she desired. Her father had been a military attache in Europe, and had had connections there. Oswald got out of the army and went to Europe. His first cover story was attending an international academy in Switzerland. His second cover story was defecting into Russia.

In reality his plan was to disappear into Finland and acquire weapons from the copious caches hidden in the countryside after the war (Finns feared a Russian invasion despite the armistice); weapons hidden since 1945 would be impossible to trace, and Oswald could expect to acquire a few fellow travelers, inspired by the vicious, relentless anti-American hatred ubiquitous everywhere in the ex-Axis countries.

Something went wrong, though; Oswald had no alternative but to continue to Russia, and struggle back to America as quickly as he could, awkward as it was. (He actually tried to kill himself shortly after arriving in Moscow. The act of a man who's reached the place he really wanted to go? Or the act of a man who made a tremendous botch of his fanatically loved mistress's desire?)

When Oswald fled Russia, he did not flee alone. He had become attached to a Russian woman, Marina Prusakova. They were married. Oswald had botched his first romance, but he hadn't such great pressures for his second.

Except that, after he and Marina were settled in Texas, there came a package ordered by an "A. J. Hidell" --- a somewhat Japanese-sounding name, no? --- to Oswald's door: and inside it was an Italian rifle.

Oswald was consumed by guilt, and took up the gun. He killed, and he was killed; and the real culprit was never found out. Nice, Ms. Takahashi!

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last updated: (Mar 14 2011)