"Bring me the head of John the Baptist!"

So, what happened in Jerusalem, in the year 30 after the birth of our Savior? He had come to the city, alarming his followers with cryptic remarks of some impending showdown He might not survive --- some confrontation with great powers of evil and darkness. He had even spoken of his death, further alarming the dullard disciples who did not realize that that which is divine, cannot die. (As the great Christian apologist Howard Philips said, "that which is divine, cannot die; and with numberless aeons, even the ultimate evil may die." Then he was killed by mathematicians.)

As is clearly shown in the Gospels, the Son that walked the earth was not the omniscient, omnipotent being that the Father in Heaven was; why otherwise would he have a dialogue with the Father, unless if the Father's thoughts were not fully known to Him?

(A theological footnote: This is compatible with the doctrine of the Holy Mother Church, Maternis, Paternis, as shown in bulla Subita Morte Exstingui, which establishes that Christ, while homoousian and in full hypostasis with his divine side, did not achieve full miaphysite unity of the both until after His Resurrection, which permits his seemingly unseemly ignorance in the Gospels. To believe otherwise is rank heresy, as articulated in bulla Contra Equine Fellatio and bulla Ave Quid Agis.)

Jerusalem was at that time ruled by Pontius Pilate, the Roman prefect of the Province of Judaea, and Herod Antipas, the tetrarch, a client king for the Roman Empire. Pilate was married to Salome, Herod's daughter, known to Romans under the pseudonym Claudia Procula. Salome was the product of ungodly incest between Herod Antipas and his sister Herodias; and was commonly known to be a sorceress. She was wise beyond her years, and well known to the people of Jerusalem as a cruel, cold, calculating woman, who kept many soothsayers and mathematicians in her court, and exhibited a fanatical hatred of rabbis and the Israelite religion. It was commonly whispered that she had a deadly fascination with blood, and that she had Jewish babies kidnapped and baked their blood into little cookies the shape of the Star of David that she liked to eat.

It had been Salome that had goaded Herod Antipas into killing John the Baptist, the blessed man who had been Jesus's uncle, and his friend, mentor and teacher; and it was whispered in the alleys near the Wailing Wall that Salome had performed unspeakable rites with John's severed head, and fed her own unclean blood to it, and brought it life to scream of the tortures the Baptist's soul was suffering in hell. (These screams must have been lies, as it is well known the Baptist's soul flew up to Heaven, and sits behind the throne of God Almighty.) This all is recorded in the works of the Roman historian Thallus, as quoted by the Christian historian Africanus in the second century.

It was the Baptist's head that had brought Jesus and his followers into Jerusalem, in fact. Salome had had it mounted over the main gate of the city, bearing a card saying "There will be no messiah"; and the word of this infamy had spread wide. The people of Jerusalem, and the rabbis especially, were incensed by this blasphemous action, but they were powerless against the strongmen of Herod Antipas, and the soulless legionaries of Pontius Pilate, who with his stereotypical arrogant Roman indolence did not care a gladiator's piss of the internal disagreements of his subjects. The word had finally reached Jesus's ears, and as is recorded in the Gospel of Matthias, he rose, cried to the heavens three times, and receiving no response bowed his head and said: "Very well. I will go to Jerusalem, then, as my Father wills."

When Jesus and his followers arrived at the gates of Jerusalem, he sent the disciple Thomas to the gate to see if the desecration of the Baptist's head was really true: and the disciple came back and said: "Lord, he stinketh already; I cannot see who he is."

Next he sent the disciple James, son of Alphaeus, to the gate. He too returned, and said: "Lord, I cannot say who this head is. I have never seen the Baptist."

Finally, Jesus sent Peter, the strongest and stoutest of the disciples, to the gate.

As the night was falling, Peter came back, covered in wounds and bruises, and naked save a torn loincloth. The other disciples cried, wailed, and gnashed their teeth, much cursing the wickedness of Jerusalem, where innocent men are waylaid and robbed before they even step in the gate of the city; but Jesus held up a hand and said: "Silence." And they all fell silent.

Then Peter fell to his knees, and presented an object wrapped in his cloak; and Jesus took it, and cried.

In the morning they opened the cloak, and saw that the head of John the Baptist was inside, and it was miraculously restored to as it had been when the man was alive. And the disciples said, "The tears of the teacher have restored him. The teacher can do miracles."

To this Judas Iscariot said: "Well, yes. This we have seen many times already. Miracles, not a surprise anymore." But the other disciples did not listen to him.

Jesus said to them: "It is decided. I will go to Jerusalem, and I shall be put up for it. I will go to Jerusalem, and in Jerusalem I shall meet my father." Then he sent the disciples to find him an ass, a mule, and a horse; and those were found by the disciples precisely as Jesus said they would find them; and thus they were convinced the prophecy of the Entrance into Jerusalem was to be fulfilled.

(Note: The previous verse, as told in Matthias, was a cause of several unsightly heresies during the early years of the church. Mentulius, the founder of the cannibal sect of the Verpanites, contended that "in Jerusalem I shall meet my father" meant Jesus's earthly father was not Joseph, but Herod Antipas; according to Mentulius Jesus's mother, the blessed Virgin Mary, had been a servant-girl in Herod Antipas's household before being beaten, raped and expelled by the cruel king for talking in defence of God against Antipas's growing blasphemies. Because of Mary's piety God replaced the child in her womb with a spiritual child who was born seven years old, talking, walking and having two sets of arms --- a ludicrous invention, as obviously the Son of God does not have such a set of extra appendages! Another heresiarch, the warlike Futuerus of Landica, interpreted the verse to mean Jesus was the physical son of Pontius Pilate, indwelt by the spirit of God --- in Futuerus's case, the god was Heracles, the strongest of all --- and killed because he talked of holy rebellion against the infidel regime of Rome, the whore whose wickedness had enticed the world into giving her worship beyond her station. Neither of these evidenceless, incredible stories should be given any weight over the well-substantiated account of the holy and true Gospels.)

last updated: (Mar 14 2011)